Bat for Asses

An honest, un-biased and objective review of the band Bat for Lashes:


complete scheisse. hey, how much money would you pay me to breathe heavy and whisper into a mic and never actually take a fucking voice lesson in my entire life? Enough to make a really self-gratifying, trendi-hipster "alternative" masterpiece that can be shoved down the throats of American kids who think that indie music only comes on network television? GOD I HOPE SO!


I think the fucking Brits get too much credit. Just because some chick has a fuckin' accent doesn't mean she can sing, or that it's sexy, or that there's any talent in her fucking body. Has anyone actually heard this music???? If it wasn't for the microphones I wouldn't be able to hear 3/4 of the band playing, I find that to be a problem.

Also, wearing Jim Henson movie wardrobes doesn't get any better when you add ambient sound effects and David Lynch lyrics...in fact, it pisses me off. I understand that part of playing live is making it theatrical..David Bowie is the GOD of this....and I'm not sure if Bat for Lashes got the memo but...they're not Ziggy Stardust...or ethereal fairy creatures from some other plane...they're mainstream hipsters trying to make music for other hipsters who pretend that what they're doing isn't what the rest of the fucking country is...GOD, they remind me of those assholes you see in Brooklyn in their $3,000 a month rent fucking apartments wearing $200 vintage clothes with holes in them.

you know who does Bat for Lashes better than Bat for Lashes? Portishead. they put airy female vocals over ambient sounds and repetative melodies on the god damn map AND they did it better. I'd actually like to personally slap each and every member of BFL for ruining the name "alternative".

alternative used to apply to music that you could listen to that was an escape from the mainstream...but you see, when the mainstream is crappy hipster music...then it isn't so alternative anymore, is it?

alternative these days has a new definition, I think it should apply to music that cannot be categorized, and lacks cultural boundaries...like Chin Chin.

That also pisses me off, when there are bands I know of (ie Chin Chin and Antibalas) who deserve to have their own fucking music channel playing their songs 24/7 and INSTEAD i'm force-fed this cookie-cutter acid-wash hipsta crap. kill MTV